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For a location it’s gallant to ask what part of town they're in and then choose a cool spot that is more convenient for them if you’re in a different part – again, a familiar spot or familiar part of town helps put your date at ease. As it turns out, one in three people who’ve matched and messaged with someone on a site never actually meet them face to face. Even if she hasn’t heard it before, she’ll know and respect you less.
Contrary to most of the advice out there, there is no set rule about when to suggest a meeting. Would you apply to a job with the exact same cover letter and resume? You develop a framework and modify to fit your particular goal. Here are some general guidelines for upping your message game.
Women have a different set of social and personal safety challenges than guys.
You need to understand that and use your messages to transmit signals that you are a respectful, responsible person who has healthy boundaries.
It could be as simple as a shared passion, but that spark is what’s going to get you face-to-face with someone.
Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.
I don’t want to insult our readership with this, but for the troglodytes who somehow found their way to Primer: Aziz Ansari uses the perfect app pickup line: “Going to Whole Foods. ”It’s unexpected, overtly nurturing, and signals an upper middle class socioeconomic status. By targeting everyone generally you’re targeting no one.
Want to learn it, and how to have better messaging all around? You’re on the apps, you’re grinding, and every so often you get a match. This is especially true for guys who have moved beyond hookup culture and are looking for dating with some substance. This is about what happens you match, when a tiny window of possibility opens that you can either enlarge or allow to close forever.
So how do you make her feel safe in the messaging phase?
Anything that even hints of sexual expectation, misogyny, or pressure of any kind is a red flag.
Second, it pays to be confident and specific in setting up a meeting but you should still send signals she can have as much control over how and when as she wants.
For example, after you’ve gotten the green light to meet up, be with a message like, “I'm free Friday, or if early next week is more convenient Tuesday works too.”You want a firm commitment to a specific time (for dealing with flakes) but to let her know she’s the ultimate decider.