I thought that being single and not dating for so long was the worst, but actually, being that way while actively trying to online date was the worst.
It felt horrible to know that I couldn’t get guys to ask me out in the virtual world either.
He doesn’t look like the bad boy rebel wooing me with his stone-cold eyes. He looks like a typical Boston guy: dark jeans, Patagonia jacket, backwards Sox hat, oh, and completely wasted. He uses me as a crutch to get to our seats and I’m planning my exit strategy. Could I say I was really tired not feeling well after my run?
Could I tell him I had a dental emergency and my gums were about to start spontaneously bleeding? I met the way most single people do nowadays—on an app. Last fall, my sister convinced me to try out Bumble a few months after a devastatingly horrible break up with a man I dated for four years.
Alas, I cannot muster up the courage to run away and leave this mess of a man swaying to “Sweet Caroline,” by himself. My ex, let’s stick with the theme here, , and I had lived together, and even planned a future together complete with a New England house and a dog. When we met, I was an editor at and he was an aspiring sports medicine doctor.
We were both marathoners, and though we rarely ran together because of our extreme pace difference, running was what initially brought us together.
After experiencing one too many dating let-downs and at peak fed-up-ness, I’ve sworn off men, toyed with becoming a lesbian, and considered getting cats. Guys are fun, girls don’t rev my engine, and I’m allergic to cats. I kid you not, within a month all those dudes were suddenly interested in my life. We go to certain places because the guy we’re talking to might be there. In trying to mirror their interests, that’s how I spent my time as well, which didn’t work well. There’s so much truth to the adage “You can’t love someone until you love yourself.” We yell about how our love life is disastrous, but we don’t do anything truly different. I don’t think it’s healthy to bounce from guy to guy while trying to work out all the bs kinks in dating.
Suddenly, the solution to my annoyance became super clear: just quit dating. Even guys that I hadn’t tried being involved with became all about me. Life tends to take the backseat when you invest in dating. We say no to things because we’re waiting to hear back from him/them about possible same-day plans. To quit dating is to eliminate that passive distraction. I’m still kicking myself for the years I spent mirroring the interests of my love interests.
She hopes that they resonate with you or at the very least make you chuckle a bit.
I found myself checking my dating apps compulsively, signing on for just one more swipe… I had no idea that guys find it appealing to simply message people and never meet. It was hard to keep up enthusiasm when none of the guys cared about making any effort. Who really wants to be reduced to a swipe left or right? I thought I’d like getting attention from men online, but they were so blase and unconcerned with me that I felt worse than before.
I did not need one more excuse not to get my work done. I made the stakes way too high over men I’d never even met and got sad when they didn’t pick me in return. I got legitimately excited to match with certain guys, but then I’d send them a carefully crafted, heartfelt message and they’d never answer. I clearly took the dating apps more seriously than most people so I had to quit. I already have a tough time believing that there are good guys out there. They were only reaffirming my beliefs that most men are lazy and just want to get laid. Hardly any of them even tried to start a conversation, let alone maintain one. I was on the dating apps for over a year and I had only a few dates, most of which I had to initiate. I wouldn’t count any of them a success, even the one guy I dated briefly who proved to be woefully wrong for me anyway.
So when we broke up, I felt like I lost a part of my identity as a runner.
I was determined to find another runner to be my partner in life. Swiping to find someone whose profile photo showed them wearing a race bib.
Search for quitdating com:
Swiping to see if their bio said anything about liking running. He lived about an hour and a half away from my new apartment, but he was cute, and seemed normal enough through texts. So I did what any sane person who is dating in the modern era does: I Googled him and discovered some not-so-sweet, kind of illegal things. Shortly after, in the deep trance of a long run, I wondered if Strava could develop a dating app integration.